Teenage Wasteland

Some of us did not have great teen years. Some of our family's were not a supportive, positive place to be. Some of our communities were dangerous and a bad place to be. Some of us did not develop appropriately due to these things. Maybe there were no counselors who used child-specific services. Maybe no one pointed out our strengths to us, so we couldn't possibly build on them. Maybe we saw no strengths in being with our family. Maybe our mental health suffered. Maybe we were socially withdrawn. Maybe we were physically withdrawn.

So much focus is put on our families. What if we found no support system in our family? What if our family had no desire to participate in our life? What if our parents were not partners in our development, but harsh judges? What if decision making for the family was basically a dictatorship? What if our parents knew that we had need of treatment, but didn't seek it out due to their own embarrassment? Can we make plans now, if in that crucial time of adolescence we were denied the right to make any plans for ourselves? Do we know how to even implement a life plan? Can we monitor our own behavior? Have we sought out help now that we are adults? Our biological families are rarely perfect. Our adoptive families aren't either. Our other parental figures may not have been either. Our brothers and sisters sure weren't! Our grandparents may have been doting, or entrenched in another time and unable to see things from our points of view. Most of us had some supportive relatives. In a family, there is almost always someone like yourself. We had teachers, some cared, some didn't. Teenagers know when their mental health is slipping. They will most assuredly let you know in a number of different ways! State services are full of our young people. What they need is a family member who cares.

Our communitites have started trying harder to address young people's problems. Formal steps have been taken to get our kids the help that they need. Many communities have programs for troubled teens. What these kids need is a sense of belonging. A sense of being a participant in their own lives. Community service is often used for this purpose. Mental health professionals have said to me, "There are no bad kids, only bad parents.", and to a certain extent, that's true. Some parents are unable to be there, and that stresses the remaining family so that they may not know how to approach, or have the emotional strength to even deal with their child's problems. Provider agencies see this every day. Social services are full of such cases. Religious organizations have outreaches for teens. Cultural centers do, too. Communities have events and networks dedicated to our young adults.

If your teens were not the best, if you felt alone in your own home with your family around you, if you were bullied or worse, you may still be stuck in that stage of development. If you have not gotten any help, and have been trying to go it alone, stop. If you have made it this far in life, you are strong. If you had no role models to look up to, you can find some now. People know when they have suffered trauma to their psyche. People know when they are socially inept. People know when they are scared of others, for fear that they will be hurt again. We can fix the damage. We can understand and forgive our families, schoolmates, and anyone else who abused us. We can move on and negotiate a lost stage in our lives. Reach out. You are a strong soul. There are people who want to help you. You know who you are. My hand is outstretched.

Until next time!
Angelia