Let's Start at the Beginning

If you are a survivor of abuse and or assault, then to help with the PTSD of such events, it's best to start at the beginning. If it was familial abuse, then your development has been effected. You've come up with twisted theories in some cases as defense and protective mechanisms to keep you safe or sane or both. Your thinking processes may be skewed or slowed down due to fear, like the "deer in the headlights" that freezes, unsure of what to do. Psychologists recommend that we start by debriefing, which is a military term, coming from when soldiers come back from combat, they talk to someone about what happened to them there and how they feel about it. Some of us have been through mental, emotional, and even physical combat.

Our first impressions of the world come from our parents and caregivers. We are not able to think for ourselves at first. We can not solve problems in an adult manner. We need interaction with our environment to grow and learn. If we were neglected, we will be distrustful of others and have no faith in our world as a safe place to be. We must mature and experience the world around us if we are to be functional in it. This is more important than formal learning. If we were not allowed to socialize, this will stunt our social functioning. We may avoid making friends, as we don't know how, or don't trust them to stay our friends, or maybe even feel like we don't deserve friends, which is never true. We have to learn to solve problems by ourselves and reason things out. If we had overbearing parents, we may not have been allowed to do this, and now we may not trust our ability to do this for ourselves. We need to develop into beings that are safe, secure and feel nutured. We won't be able to think logically until those needs are met. Until then we will run around in survival mode just trying to get those needs met. Unfortunately, we usually look to other people or other things to fill that hole, when actually only you can do that for yourself once you're an adult.

We start out as little scientists learning what we can about and experimenting on the world. That teaches us how to deal with problems in experiences in the world. If our models lashed out in any way, physically, verbally, taking it out on others, then we may pick that up as our way of dealing with people and situations. This will make it challenging for us to function in the world.

My saving grace was school. Fortunately, I had some good teachers that taught me how to use reason and intellect, rather than my fists. I got praise from teachers and other students alike and that gave me the desire to be smart and do better and meet challenges head on, finding the best way to deal with them. I have met people who have not been so lucky, and not found encouragement anywhere.

Most victims of abuse have problems. I recently heard of a man who said that he didn't want to date anyone who had "daddy issues". I'm guessing that he had a bad experience with a woman who did. But, how sad is that to label all women who do not have a good relationship with their fathers! Is someone who was abused by their father less lovable?! Of course not! If they have not found a place of peace, then yes, they may be difficult to deal with, but did he even stop to think about her feelings and show a little compassion for what she may have gone through? I'll never know, because I definately won't be dating him, lol!

I'll be back! Hang in there! Until next blog!

Love, Angelia

Welcome to Works of Heart!

Some of you out there are already familiar with Works of Heart and myself, but this is for those of you who aren't. My motto is "Be the Butterfly You Were Meant to Be!". I work with women who are survivors of abuse and assault. I help them deal with the stress of such trauma and the everyday expectations that others have of them. I help them become comfortable in their own skin again, grow as a person, and move beyond their current limitations.

If this applies to you, then I can help! My name is Angelia Schwarz-Coleman and I am a survivor of child and spousal abuse, molestation and sexual assault. I struggled for years with PTSD and the mental and social anxieties that accompanied it. I have found my way up through this hellish canyon, and would like to help you do the same.

I am an Ordained Spiritual Minister, Registered Life Coach and Natural Healer.

Psychologists and counselors diagnosed and helped me with the anxiety, but were too busy to help me lay a foundation for self-esteem building and social reintegration. I had to do it the hard way, through trial and error, so I would like to help spare you the anxiety of going it alone.

You can see my website linked here, for more information about my practice.

In this blog, I hope to help you become more socially functional, find personal harmony and find balance in your life. You will experience personal transformation and hopefully resolution of stress associated with your trauma, if you stick with me! I use the butterfly analogy in my coaching practice: We start out as caterpillars-needing our basic needs of safety, security and nourishment met. Then we can cocoon ourselves, (this usually happens in adolescence, but sometimes our growth becomes stunted and we must go back and rediscover ourselves), and examine who we are and who we want to be. When we successfully negotiate that stage, then we can take steps to create the life that we want for ourselves. We can spread our wings and soar in our own unique, vibrant colors like the butterfly that we were born to be!

Until next blog!

Love, Angelia