Hi, all! I know some of my family, friends, others that I know check this occassionally, even though you're not "following" me! I have been contracted to be an Associate at Enrich Counseling Center here in Louisville. I will be offering my Life-Coaching and Behavior Consulting services there. Right now we have on tap: Survivors of Abuse Support Group-which starts Monday, November 29th, 2010 at 7 pm. Survivors of Sexual Assault and Molestation Support Group-which starts Monday, December 6th, 2010 at 7 pm. Then I'll be teaching my program: Child Development & Psychology-starting Saturday, December 4th at 3 pm. You will need to call Enrich Counseling Center at 502-403-1090, to register for class, or online at enrichcounselingcenter@gmail.com. I am offering individualized coaching sessions there for $25.00 per hour or sliding scale with proof of income. Group sessions can be arranged. Workshops/classes can be taken here, or scheduled at your desired location. Please schedule at least two weeks in advance. Groups over five are discounted to $10.00 per hour, per person. My coaching programs include the above-mentioned class, and Teen Pregnancy, Getting Along With Others Who Are Different From Us, Human "Realations" & Social Sensitivity, Living Your Own Life, Defeating Dark Influences In Your Life, Perfect Sleep, Personal Harmony, Zen-Experiences & Awareness, Parenting Skills, Starting Over For Women (which I'm teaching through JCPS Lifelong Learning right now!) and Finding A Blessed Life. You can see more details on my site at www.worksofheart.bravehost.com. I will still be offering my ministerial services, just not at Enrich. That's the update!
Love, Angelia
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Teen Sexuality
In middle adolescence, around the ages of 14-16, thoughts turn to sexuality. When we're little kids, we just dream of getting married and kissing and hugging, and that's all that we really know about physical love. During our preteen stage, we start to have feelings about the opposite sex, but are still in our same-sex stage, where the majority of our time and interest is spent on members of our same sex. We may even have fantasies about same-sex friends, which is normal. By the age of fourteen, we are usually forming a knowledge of who we are sexually. Innocent thoughts of hugs and kisses start to turn to curiousity of what members of the opposite sex, same sex, or both, look like in the nude, and what we might do, if we saw them in that state. Sexual fantasies start to rule our dreams as our bodies are flooded with hormones. This is the time when it is important to tell our children what type of sexual behaviors we expect, and don't expect them to engage in. We need to tell them we understand their feelings, have had such feelings, and even if they don't seem to be listening, they are. Ignorance abounds in the schools, and they will hear many things about sexuality, and it's important that they feel that they can talk to their parents to clear up any misconceptions that peers may have led them to. Such as the old tale that you can not get pregnant your "first time". I know a woman who did. I won't even go into the one about the rubber bands! With society's glorification of sex and their peer's pressure to engage in such activities, it's definately important for our children to know that they can talk to us about such matters. It may be uncomfortable, but it's better that they get such knowledge from you, than their peers, who may not know as much as they think that they do! There are many books that have been written on the subject of talking to your kids about sexuality, you can visit your library, google the subject, or talk to your home and school resources person to find materials to help get you ready to broach that uncomfortable subject. Wouldn't you rather they hear it from you the right way?!
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Understanding Development
As most of you know, my expertise is in child development. The way that we developed in childhood effects us in every aspect of our lives. Our outcome is a reflection of the balance, or lack thereof, that we found growing up in our world. With our first relationship, our mother, every other relationship grows outward like the eternal spiral. If we were protected, we feel safe. If we were, or felt that we were, at risk, then we feel afraid.
I work with new mothers, and teen mothers, to help prevent those first two all important relationships, that with mom and dad, from derailing all of the future ones for that child. I have talked with families about negative dynamics in them. All friendships, co-workers, neighbors, any one they know, are effected by the first relationships that we experience.
We are a product of our biology, but we are also a product of our psychology, and sociology. If we had loving, compassionate, effective caregivers, then most likely, we will be the same. If we didn't, we may need to do a little homework to learn how to give our child the best outcome. When we know how children develop, it helps us to understand them better, have more patience with them, and be able to see things from their point of view. We are continuously developing. (Unless of course, we choose not to.)
My Career Diploma in Child Psychology & Development took 18 months of my life to earn. The benefits that it has given me, are timeless. It helped me to see why I had developed some of the past behaviors that I have shed. I did not feel safe, or like my life was balanced growing up. I never knew what would happen next, and was often on pins and needles waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was very shy and fearful. That is why I have done my best to make my children feel safe and loved, and I love doing that for other mothers and children. Some older family members I've tried to work with in these cases have not been cooperative. They still hold old world values that put children in a light that is little better than that of the family dog. They still do not realize how negative experiences stunt a child's growth and development. Just because your parents may have beaten you, as much information is out there today, you should know, that beating your children is wrong. If you don't believe that then you need to go see a counselor. They can explain to you how abuse can actually effect the development of the child's brain. If we are to stop de-evolving as a society here in America, we need to re-learn what society is all about and how to love and have compassion for each other. Other nations are not having near the problems with depression and mental illness that we are, and upon examination, we can see that their societal setups are more friendly, open, and caring. Especially in middle and poverty class areas, abuse and neglect is rampant here in the U.S. I was recently told that our area is once again, #1 for domestic violence. A psychologist friend of mine told me once that, "There are no bad kids, just bad parents, you get out of a kid what you put into them." We can and should do our best to be understanding of children's limitations and differences. Alot less people would be paying me and my other counseling, psychologist, psychiatrist, and coaching friends, if that were the case, and it would make us happy in that case, to have to find another line of work!
Think about it!
Angelia
I work with new mothers, and teen mothers, to help prevent those first two all important relationships, that with mom and dad, from derailing all of the future ones for that child. I have talked with families about negative dynamics in them. All friendships, co-workers, neighbors, any one they know, are effected by the first relationships that we experience.
We are a product of our biology, but we are also a product of our psychology, and sociology. If we had loving, compassionate, effective caregivers, then most likely, we will be the same. If we didn't, we may need to do a little homework to learn how to give our child the best outcome. When we know how children develop, it helps us to understand them better, have more patience with them, and be able to see things from their point of view. We are continuously developing. (Unless of course, we choose not to.)
My Career Diploma in Child Psychology & Development took 18 months of my life to earn. The benefits that it has given me, are timeless. It helped me to see why I had developed some of the past behaviors that I have shed. I did not feel safe, or like my life was balanced growing up. I never knew what would happen next, and was often on pins and needles waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was very shy and fearful. That is why I have done my best to make my children feel safe and loved, and I love doing that for other mothers and children. Some older family members I've tried to work with in these cases have not been cooperative. They still hold old world values that put children in a light that is little better than that of the family dog. They still do not realize how negative experiences stunt a child's growth and development. Just because your parents may have beaten you, as much information is out there today, you should know, that beating your children is wrong. If you don't believe that then you need to go see a counselor. They can explain to you how abuse can actually effect the development of the child's brain. If we are to stop de-evolving as a society here in America, we need to re-learn what society is all about and how to love and have compassion for each other. Other nations are not having near the problems with depression and mental illness that we are, and upon examination, we can see that their societal setups are more friendly, open, and caring. Especially in middle and poverty class areas, abuse and neglect is rampant here in the U.S. I was recently told that our area is once again, #1 for domestic violence. A psychologist friend of mine told me once that, "There are no bad kids, just bad parents, you get out of a kid what you put into them." We can and should do our best to be understanding of children's limitations and differences. Alot less people would be paying me and my other counseling, psychologist, psychiatrist, and coaching friends, if that were the case, and it would make us happy in that case, to have to find another line of work!
Think about it!
Angelia
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Hi, all! I have new content, links, pic.s and a web journal posting entitled, "Teenage Moms", on my site at www.worksofheart.bravehost.com. Take a look if you're interested! Thanks for your time!
Ange
Ange
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Update
Hello! I just wanted to let you know that I have updated my profile at www.community.beliefnet.com/angeliavenus. Feel free to join the community, check out my page, and join my group, Survivors Reaching Out. I have added a blog on that group entitled, "Serious Commitments", and one on my public page entitled, "You and Everyone Else". Check them out if you're interested! Thanks for your time!
Angelia
Angelia
Monday, April 5, 2010
Teenage Wasteland
Some of us did not have great teen years. Some of our family's were not a supportive, positive place to be. Some of our communities were dangerous and a bad place to be. Some of us did not develop appropriately due to these things. Maybe there were no counselors who used child-specific services. Maybe no one pointed out our strengths to us, so we couldn't possibly build on them. Maybe we saw no strengths in being with our family. Maybe our mental health suffered. Maybe we were socially withdrawn. Maybe we were physically withdrawn.
So much focus is put on our families. What if we found no support system in our family? What if our family had no desire to participate in our life? What if our parents were not partners in our development, but harsh judges? What if decision making for the family was basically a dictatorship? What if our parents knew that we had need of treatment, but didn't seek it out due to their own embarrassment? Can we make plans now, if in that crucial time of adolescence we were denied the right to make any plans for ourselves? Do we know how to even implement a life plan? Can we monitor our own behavior? Have we sought out help now that we are adults? Our biological families are rarely perfect. Our adoptive families aren't either. Our other parental figures may not have been either. Our brothers and sisters sure weren't! Our grandparents may have been doting, or entrenched in another time and unable to see things from our points of view. Most of us had some supportive relatives. In a family, there is almost always someone like yourself. We had teachers, some cared, some didn't. Teenagers know when their mental health is slipping. They will most assuredly let you know in a number of different ways! State services are full of our young people. What they need is a family member who cares.
Our communitites have started trying harder to address young people's problems. Formal steps have been taken to get our kids the help that they need. Many communities have programs for troubled teens. What these kids need is a sense of belonging. A sense of being a participant in their own lives. Community service is often used for this purpose. Mental health professionals have said to me, "There are no bad kids, only bad parents.", and to a certain extent, that's true. Some parents are unable to be there, and that stresses the remaining family so that they may not know how to approach, or have the emotional strength to even deal with their child's problems. Provider agencies see this every day. Social services are full of such cases. Religious organizations have outreaches for teens. Cultural centers do, too. Communities have events and networks dedicated to our young adults.
If your teens were not the best, if you felt alone in your own home with your family around you, if you were bullied or worse, you may still be stuck in that stage of development. If you have not gotten any help, and have been trying to go it alone, stop. If you have made it this far in life, you are strong. If you had no role models to look up to, you can find some now. People know when they have suffered trauma to their psyche. People know when they are socially inept. People know when they are scared of others, for fear that they will be hurt again. We can fix the damage. We can understand and forgive our families, schoolmates, and anyone else who abused us. We can move on and negotiate a lost stage in our lives. Reach out. You are a strong soul. There are people who want to help you. You know who you are. My hand is outstretched.
Until next time!
Angelia
So much focus is put on our families. What if we found no support system in our family? What if our family had no desire to participate in our life? What if our parents were not partners in our development, but harsh judges? What if decision making for the family was basically a dictatorship? What if our parents knew that we had need of treatment, but didn't seek it out due to their own embarrassment? Can we make plans now, if in that crucial time of adolescence we were denied the right to make any plans for ourselves? Do we know how to even implement a life plan? Can we monitor our own behavior? Have we sought out help now that we are adults? Our biological families are rarely perfect. Our adoptive families aren't either. Our other parental figures may not have been either. Our brothers and sisters sure weren't! Our grandparents may have been doting, or entrenched in another time and unable to see things from our points of view. Most of us had some supportive relatives. In a family, there is almost always someone like yourself. We had teachers, some cared, some didn't. Teenagers know when their mental health is slipping. They will most assuredly let you know in a number of different ways! State services are full of our young people. What they need is a family member who cares.
Our communitites have started trying harder to address young people's problems. Formal steps have been taken to get our kids the help that they need. Many communities have programs for troubled teens. What these kids need is a sense of belonging. A sense of being a participant in their own lives. Community service is often used for this purpose. Mental health professionals have said to me, "There are no bad kids, only bad parents.", and to a certain extent, that's true. Some parents are unable to be there, and that stresses the remaining family so that they may not know how to approach, or have the emotional strength to even deal with their child's problems. Provider agencies see this every day. Social services are full of such cases. Religious organizations have outreaches for teens. Cultural centers do, too. Communities have events and networks dedicated to our young adults.
If your teens were not the best, if you felt alone in your own home with your family around you, if you were bullied or worse, you may still be stuck in that stage of development. If you have not gotten any help, and have been trying to go it alone, stop. If you have made it this far in life, you are strong. If you had no role models to look up to, you can find some now. People know when they have suffered trauma to their psyche. People know when they are socially inept. People know when they are scared of others, for fear that they will be hurt again. We can fix the damage. We can understand and forgive our families, schoolmates, and anyone else who abused us. We can move on and negotiate a lost stage in our lives. Reach out. You are a strong soul. There are people who want to help you. You know who you are. My hand is outstretched.
Until next time!
Angelia
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
To Graduate, or Not to Graduate?
Let's look at high school completion rates. The United States and the District of Columbia took a poll to see what percentage of 18 to 24 year olds in their areas have a high school diploma. This was matched with the previous poll to yield these results.
10 states in our union did better, and had an increase of young adults with high school diplomas. 37 of our states had no change in the number of young adults with high school diplomas. 4 states actually did worse, and had a smaller number of young adults with high school diplomas.
I have heard so many people in my area that are willing to let their kids drop out if the kid has a chance at a steady job, such as construction or retail that they feel their child will benefit from now rather than waiting another year or two to get a diploma before they start to work full time. I blame the economy for this type of thinking. People rarely stay where they start. This kind of thinking can lead to disillusionment if this job doesn't hold out, then they have no high school diploma to get another type of job. They miss graduating with their friends and having similar experiences to their same age peers. In their teens, two years DOES make a big difference! The maturity level between 16 and 18 is observable.
This would seem to me more of a top priority, than to push through healthcare reform that sounds like it would once again, create hardship for the poverty level Americans. Jobs are hard to find around here. My oldest son got beat out at a job at Wendy's by a man who I'd say was 60 if he was a day, and had lost his other job. Where are young people supposed to find a stable job without an education these days?! You can guess that the states that did better are up in the North and East. Progression seems to travel North to South and East to West in this country. The states that did worse, yea, you guessed it, in the South and Mid-West. Panic has driven young adults to jump on the first steady job they land and not finish school. Parents having job problems themselves have a hard time telling their kids to finish school. Sometimes they even need their children's income to help run the household. But, people rarely do stay where they start. I read that the average person changes jobs about 4 times. So that steady job of today, can be gone tomorrow. Experience does count in some jobs, but alot of employers want to see that high school diploma to feel confident that the job candidate can read and write well enough to perform their job duties. High school is a rite of passage. That's what the graduation ceremony is all about. You leave your life as a child behind, and become a young adult. I heard a woman who dropped out and got married and started having kids at 17 say, " Once I moved in with him, and we started having kids, it was all a blur. I still felt like a kid sometimes. His mom was great, and I'd call her for advice and if it wasn't for her, I'd have probably killed myself. I was a kid with four kids by the time I was 21. There was no graduation, prom, college, even going out to bars with friends, because I was a wife and mother. I felt old by the time I was 21."
This person had reasons why they left home and got married, and why her own mother let her do so. But, she still had a really hard time of it, and had major bouts of depression, a few of which landed her in the hospital. I can't swear that had she graduated and had a good counselor who had gotten her into business school when she was 18, instead of her finally doing that for herself when she was 33, that things would have been different for her, but I honestly think that they would have. I have heard too many stories of people who have struggled so much by trying to be "on their own" too early, and have had to endure hardships and failures, that maybe, if they had been better prepared for adult society, they wouldn't have experienced. Parents, think twice about allowing your working child to drop out. They do miss out. Teens, go with the natural flow of things, and get that diploma. It will pay off in the end.
Until next blog!
Angelia
www.worksofheart.bravehost.com
10 states in our union did better, and had an increase of young adults with high school diplomas. 37 of our states had no change in the number of young adults with high school diplomas. 4 states actually did worse, and had a smaller number of young adults with high school diplomas.
I have heard so many people in my area that are willing to let their kids drop out if the kid has a chance at a steady job, such as construction or retail that they feel their child will benefit from now rather than waiting another year or two to get a diploma before they start to work full time. I blame the economy for this type of thinking. People rarely stay where they start. This kind of thinking can lead to disillusionment if this job doesn't hold out, then they have no high school diploma to get another type of job. They miss graduating with their friends and having similar experiences to their same age peers. In their teens, two years DOES make a big difference! The maturity level between 16 and 18 is observable.
This would seem to me more of a top priority, than to push through healthcare reform that sounds like it would once again, create hardship for the poverty level Americans. Jobs are hard to find around here. My oldest son got beat out at a job at Wendy's by a man who I'd say was 60 if he was a day, and had lost his other job. Where are young people supposed to find a stable job without an education these days?! You can guess that the states that did better are up in the North and East. Progression seems to travel North to South and East to West in this country. The states that did worse, yea, you guessed it, in the South and Mid-West. Panic has driven young adults to jump on the first steady job they land and not finish school. Parents having job problems themselves have a hard time telling their kids to finish school. Sometimes they even need their children's income to help run the household. But, people rarely do stay where they start. I read that the average person changes jobs about 4 times. So that steady job of today, can be gone tomorrow. Experience does count in some jobs, but alot of employers want to see that high school diploma to feel confident that the job candidate can read and write well enough to perform their job duties. High school is a rite of passage. That's what the graduation ceremony is all about. You leave your life as a child behind, and become a young adult. I heard a woman who dropped out and got married and started having kids at 17 say, " Once I moved in with him, and we started having kids, it was all a blur. I still felt like a kid sometimes. His mom was great, and I'd call her for advice and if it wasn't for her, I'd have probably killed myself. I was a kid with four kids by the time I was 21. There was no graduation, prom, college, even going out to bars with friends, because I was a wife and mother. I felt old by the time I was 21."
This person had reasons why they left home and got married, and why her own mother let her do so. But, she still had a really hard time of it, and had major bouts of depression, a few of which landed her in the hospital. I can't swear that had she graduated and had a good counselor who had gotten her into business school when she was 18, instead of her finally doing that for herself when she was 33, that things would have been different for her, but I honestly think that they would have. I have heard too many stories of people who have struggled so much by trying to be "on their own" too early, and have had to endure hardships and failures, that maybe, if they had been better prepared for adult society, they wouldn't have experienced. Parents, think twice about allowing your working child to drop out. They do miss out. Teens, go with the natural flow of things, and get that diploma. It will pay off in the end.
Until next blog!
Angelia
www.worksofheart.bravehost.com
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Making Decisions, Solving Problems
To solve any problem that we may have, we have to be able to see it as a problem. Usually, that's not until it smacks us in the face, or pocketbook, or however the impact shows up. Then, we have to start weighing the alternatives. It's best to get a sheet of paper, and actually write things down. It makes problems more tangible somehow, and solutions more solid, too. Write every idea that comes to mind down, no matter how silly it seems to you. Ask a trusted friend to make suggestions, too, so you can get a fresh perspective on things. It's o.k. to get a little silly, as long as you're seriously thinking about how to solve the problem. Keep on writing until you can't think of anything more to put down. Then go down the list of ideas.
Evaluate each idea. Decide which ones would support you best. Ask yourself what you would do for someone else if this were someone else's problem. Don't beat yourself up if you are having trouble. Sometimes we're just too emotionally involved in the problem at first to see clearly.
Run each solution through the self-love litmus test. Is this unkind to anyone, including myself? Is this hurtful to anyone involved? Is this unfair to anyone involved? Is this dishonest to anyone involved? Remember to include yourself in those answers. Ultimately, we can not please everyone, so it's important to take care of yourself first. If you're a wreck, you won't be there for anyone else.
Then choose your option that is the best for everyone involved, including yourself. Remember in solving a problem, you don't want to create more problems.
Write out your plan of action, then follow it through. Inaction only prolongs problems and creates hard feelings, stress, and possibly illness. If your choice is unacceptable to the other people involved, then you may go back to your list and look for a compromise with them, but unfortunately, not everyone is willing to compromise. If you find yourself in a situation that is causing you emotional, psychological or physical pain, and the others involved are unwilling to compromise with you to come to a solution, then your only option may be to say your peace, bow out, and move on.
Weigh things out. How does this effect your long term goals, needs, etc? Look at yourself. What started this problem? Is there anything that you can do to prevent such problems in the future? What do I need to work on in my "getting along" tool box? We can feel good when we successfully solve a problem, and we can take ownership of our part of the situation when we can't. Don't let other's problems become yours.
In making any decision, we must be informed, so do your homework about the underlying problem. Problem solving is a vital skill for life, since no one's life will be free from problems.
Until next blog!
Love, Angelia
Evaluate each idea. Decide which ones would support you best. Ask yourself what you would do for someone else if this were someone else's problem. Don't beat yourself up if you are having trouble. Sometimes we're just too emotionally involved in the problem at first to see clearly.
Run each solution through the self-love litmus test. Is this unkind to anyone, including myself? Is this hurtful to anyone involved? Is this unfair to anyone involved? Is this dishonest to anyone involved? Remember to include yourself in those answers. Ultimately, we can not please everyone, so it's important to take care of yourself first. If you're a wreck, you won't be there for anyone else.
Then choose your option that is the best for everyone involved, including yourself. Remember in solving a problem, you don't want to create more problems.
Write out your plan of action, then follow it through. Inaction only prolongs problems and creates hard feelings, stress, and possibly illness. If your choice is unacceptable to the other people involved, then you may go back to your list and look for a compromise with them, but unfortunately, not everyone is willing to compromise. If you find yourself in a situation that is causing you emotional, psychological or physical pain, and the others involved are unwilling to compromise with you to come to a solution, then your only option may be to say your peace, bow out, and move on.
Weigh things out. How does this effect your long term goals, needs, etc? Look at yourself. What started this problem? Is there anything that you can do to prevent such problems in the future? What do I need to work on in my "getting along" tool box? We can feel good when we successfully solve a problem, and we can take ownership of our part of the situation when we can't. Don't let other's problems become yours.
In making any decision, we must be informed, so do your homework about the underlying problem. Problem solving is a vital skill for life, since no one's life will be free from problems.
Until next blog!
Love, Angelia
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
The Formal Operations Stage
In the stage of formal operations, adolescents develop the ability to deal with abstract information and theoretical propositions. They can formulate and test hypotheses in a scientific manner.
They can use combinational logic, which is the ability to find all the possible alternatives; ie., when asked what the president could have done in a certain situation, a teenager will produce a great many alternatives, some real, some impractical. If given five jars of clear liquid and told that some combination will yield a yellow liquid, an adolescent will use an efficient and effective strategy that will produce all possible alternatives.
They can separate the real from the possible, which is the ability to separate oneself from the real world and consider different possibilities. The ability to accept propositions that are contrary to reality; ie., a teenager can imagine other realities, other life styles and think about what could be rather than what is. A teenager can readily discuss propositions such as, "What if all humans were green?"
They can use abstractions, which is the ability to deal with material that is not observable; ie., and adolescent understands higher-level concepts such as democracy and liberty as well as the abstract meaning in proverbs.
They can use hypothetical deductive reasoning, which is the ability to form hypotheses and use scientific logic; ie., a teenager uses deductive logic to test a hypothesis.
Alot goes on in our cocoon of adolescence!
Until next blog!
Love, Angelia
They can use combinational logic, which is the ability to find all the possible alternatives; ie., when asked what the president could have done in a certain situation, a teenager will produce a great many alternatives, some real, some impractical. If given five jars of clear liquid and told that some combination will yield a yellow liquid, an adolescent will use an efficient and effective strategy that will produce all possible alternatives.
They can separate the real from the possible, which is the ability to separate oneself from the real world and consider different possibilities. The ability to accept propositions that are contrary to reality; ie., a teenager can imagine other realities, other life styles and think about what could be rather than what is. A teenager can readily discuss propositions such as, "What if all humans were green?"
They can use abstractions, which is the ability to deal with material that is not observable; ie., and adolescent understands higher-level concepts such as democracy and liberty as well as the abstract meaning in proverbs.
They can use hypothetical deductive reasoning, which is the ability to form hypotheses and use scientific logic; ie., a teenager uses deductive logic to test a hypothesis.
Alot goes on in our cocoon of adolescence!
Until next blog!
Love, Angelia
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