Today I was a guest on Spirit of Hope Ministries' radio show "Caught Up". My friends the Bishops Polk have been nice enough to invite me to come out once a month and talk about what's happening in our community regarding domestic violence.
This past month, I've heard a lot about step parents abusing their step children and boyfriends beating, and in some cases, killing the children left in their care.
Since its Christmas time, I want people to remember that Jesus was a step child. Joseph was not his natural father, God was! if you remember at the beginning of that story, Joseph was upset and thinking about putting Mary away privately! Then theAngel came to him and said, don't fret, this is God's child, and you have the honor of raising Him.
And so are all children, gifts from God. The children left in your care are gifts from God. Jesus said that it would be better for a millstone to be tied around your neck and be thrown into the ocean, than if you offended one of His little ones.
Telling a child that they are bad, instead of what they did was wrong and explain why, is an offence against that child. Telling a child that they are dumb, stupid or an idiot is an offence to that child. Telling a child that you hate them or that you wish they'd never been born, is an offence to that child. And abusing that child physically or sexually, is an offence to that child.
Jesus loves the little children, all the little children of the world. We should do the same and stop offending His little ones.
Rev. Angelia Schwarz Coleman
Minister-Works of Heart Interfaith Ministry
Executive Director-Healing Families' Lives
See our Facebook pages!
Monday, December 21, 2015
Thursday, March 26, 2015
Allowing Immaturity?
Challenges common to many youth include immaturity. Today's society is not as hard on children as past generations' has been, and children are allowed to remain children longer and take their time growing up.
If a child is raised permissively, they may enter adulthood, and still have no idea what it means to be a responsible, decent person. So, one of our development goals is to become a mature person.
What is a mature person? Someone who is capable of taking care of themselves, and others, before they start a family. A mature person knows what they believe about who they are, and where they came from. A mature person can make their own decisions, weighing what's best for them, and any others that the decision may impact. A mature person is not selfish, but shows caring, compassion and understanding for others. A mature person respects themselves and others and takes care of themselves in the way that they believe is best for them.
Many young people in today's society are immature. Their parents may have kept them sheltered from the bad things that they knew growing up and unintentionally fostered an "adult child" mentality in their children which leads to selfishness and entitlement beliefs. Society only suffers from a bunch of adult children running around fighting with each other over "getting theirs". By becoming a mature person, we become our best selves, and can be a functional adult for those around us. Maturing is part of growing up. We should be a mature adult ourselves before we start bringing our children into the world. (Children raising children usually doesn't have a good outcome either.) If we know who we are, and what made us that person, we can more easily navigate our future. When we can make mature, educated decisions for ourselves and others we will be in a place of authority in our own life, and be ready to make choices that are good for our offspring. When we overcome being selfish and everything having to be our way, we can learn to compromise and have fulfilling relationships with others. When we are taking care of ourselves, like our own best parent, we can be confident that we can take care of another person who needs us to care for them.
Until next time, be gentle with yourselves and others!
Rev. Angelia Schwarz-Coleman, CDCP, PFA II
Minister-Works of Heart Interfaith Ministry
Executive Director-Healing Families' Lives, Inc.
See the Facebook pages!
If a child is raised permissively, they may enter adulthood, and still have no idea what it means to be a responsible, decent person. So, one of our development goals is to become a mature person.
What is a mature person? Someone who is capable of taking care of themselves, and others, before they start a family. A mature person knows what they believe about who they are, and where they came from. A mature person can make their own decisions, weighing what's best for them, and any others that the decision may impact. A mature person is not selfish, but shows caring, compassion and understanding for others. A mature person respects themselves and others and takes care of themselves in the way that they believe is best for them.
Many young people in today's society are immature. Their parents may have kept them sheltered from the bad things that they knew growing up and unintentionally fostered an "adult child" mentality in their children which leads to selfishness and entitlement beliefs. Society only suffers from a bunch of adult children running around fighting with each other over "getting theirs". By becoming a mature person, we become our best selves, and can be a functional adult for those around us. Maturing is part of growing up. We should be a mature adult ourselves before we start bringing our children into the world. (Children raising children usually doesn't have a good outcome either.) If we know who we are, and what made us that person, we can more easily navigate our future. When we can make mature, educated decisions for ourselves and others we will be in a place of authority in our own life, and be ready to make choices that are good for our offspring. When we overcome being selfish and everything having to be our way, we can learn to compromise and have fulfilling relationships with others. When we are taking care of ourselves, like our own best parent, we can be confident that we can take care of another person who needs us to care for them.
Until next time, be gentle with yourselves and others!
Rev. Angelia Schwarz-Coleman, CDCP, PFA II
Minister-Works of Heart Interfaith Ministry
Executive Director-Healing Families' Lives, Inc.
See the Facebook pages!
Thursday, March 5, 2015
Anyone who's ever read, heard or watched anything I've talked about, knows that I am heavy in the human development sphere. So, today, I wanted to talk about challenges that are common to many youths with mental illness.
In general, these youth have a lot tougher time navigating their development than the average youth does. They may experience uneven psychological development. If they have experienced any trauma, or have a mental illness, they will have to deal with that in addition to the average developmental tasks that are expected of us as we grow. That's why it's so important for parents or caregivers who have mentally ill children to work closely with the child's mental health providers to know how to help this child to grow as well as possible and be as close to their peers in development as possible. We all want our children to have the best outcomes, and this is the best way to ensure that we are doing what is best for our mentally ill child. If we are not suffering from exactly the same illness, and even then, mental illness presents differently in different people, we should want to keep communication with professionals who know exactly how to help us to help our child be as average as possible.
Many parents are ashamed that their child is "different", and so don't ask questions, or ask for suggestions on how to help their child get through things, they just rely on the child's mental health provider to do the bulk of the work. But, the provider is not in that child's home, and their caregiver is. Caregivers should proactively ask any questions that they may have, and look for ways to help their child through their problems rather than taking a "hands off" approach, or reverting to out-dated and abusive punishment methods that only further traumatize the child. Raising a child is a challenging and sometimes thankless job, but our children are our future, and we should strive to give them the best outcome possible.
If more caregivers rose to the challenge of helping their mentally ill youth overcome their challenges, the world in general would see the positive benefit. If uneven psychosocial development is allowed to go untreated, we see the evidence in society everyday, and in the juvenile justice system. All children deserve to be loved and cared for. Even those that society deem as mentally ill. Rise to the challenge!
Rev. Angelia Schwarz-Coleman, CDCP, PFA II
Minister-Works of Heart
Executive Director-Healing Families' Lives, Inc.
In general, these youth have a lot tougher time navigating their development than the average youth does. They may experience uneven psychological development. If they have experienced any trauma, or have a mental illness, they will have to deal with that in addition to the average developmental tasks that are expected of us as we grow. That's why it's so important for parents or caregivers who have mentally ill children to work closely with the child's mental health providers to know how to help this child to grow as well as possible and be as close to their peers in development as possible. We all want our children to have the best outcomes, and this is the best way to ensure that we are doing what is best for our mentally ill child. If we are not suffering from exactly the same illness, and even then, mental illness presents differently in different people, we should want to keep communication with professionals who know exactly how to help us to help our child be as average as possible.
Many parents are ashamed that their child is "different", and so don't ask questions, or ask for suggestions on how to help their child get through things, they just rely on the child's mental health provider to do the bulk of the work. But, the provider is not in that child's home, and their caregiver is. Caregivers should proactively ask any questions that they may have, and look for ways to help their child through their problems rather than taking a "hands off" approach, or reverting to out-dated and abusive punishment methods that only further traumatize the child. Raising a child is a challenging and sometimes thankless job, but our children are our future, and we should strive to give them the best outcome possible.
If more caregivers rose to the challenge of helping their mentally ill youth overcome their challenges, the world in general would see the positive benefit. If uneven psychosocial development is allowed to go untreated, we see the evidence in society everyday, and in the juvenile justice system. All children deserve to be loved and cared for. Even those that society deem as mentally ill. Rise to the challenge!
Rev. Angelia Schwarz-Coleman, CDCP, PFA II
Minister-Works of Heart
Executive Director-Healing Families' Lives, Inc.
Thursday, February 19, 2015
Leaving Home
One of the most important developmental tasks for older adolescents is leaving home.
Leaving home is a big deal! We leave the (hopefully) safety and security of our parents' home to fly out into the world on our own two wings. But, in order to be successful, we need to be prepared. Parents, you can help your young people to be ready to leave the nest successfully by making sure that they are prepared.
Unfortunately, some parents enact tough love and kick the kids out of the house at eighteen years old. Although there have been success stories with this practice, more often than not, this practice leads to the young people making choices involving crime, prostitution and self-abuse and suicide.
A young person should be actively working before leaving home. If they are thinking about renting a house or apartment, they will need the income to do so. The Department for Housing and Urban Development recommends that your rent/mortgage be no more than 1/4 of your monthly income. Therefore, if they want to rent a place that will cost them $400.00 per month, they need to be making that a week, or they will need room mates who can pay equal amounts that they can afford to rent the place. A lot of young people have one or more room mates, and this also helps them to learn how to live with others who aren't family, and to learn how to compromise with others on decor, schedules, etc., which will be handy skills to have if they want to have successful romantic relationships later on in life.
Next, they will need transportation. Not everyone wants to drive. If they do, then they will need a vehicle. If not, they will need to know how to use public transportation and the schedules that go with it. But, they will need reliable transportation to get to jobs and school. Relying on friends to drive you around only works for so long!
Even after our fledglings leave the nest, sometimes, things happen, and they need to come back. When this happens, it's important that they know that they always have a place to come back to. But, they also need to know that as adults, they will be expected to contribute to the household. If they lost a room mate and can no longer afford their place, you can "rent" them their room for whatever they can afford. Some parents go even further and charge them their percentage of the household bills, but some prefer to let their adult children save that money as a down-payment on another place or vehicle, depending on their needs.
But, no matter what, it's important to let your kids know that you will always be there for them, no matter what. A happy, well-adjusted person is much more likely to fly freely with less mishaps and mistakes than someone who doesn't feel welcome in their own home.
Until next time, be gentle with yourselves and others!
Rev. Angelia Schwarz-Coleman, CDCP, PFA II
Minister-Works of Heart Interfaith Ministry
Executive Director-Healing Families' Lives, Inc.
Leaving home is a big deal! We leave the (hopefully) safety and security of our parents' home to fly out into the world on our own two wings. But, in order to be successful, we need to be prepared. Parents, you can help your young people to be ready to leave the nest successfully by making sure that they are prepared.
Unfortunately, some parents enact tough love and kick the kids out of the house at eighteen years old. Although there have been success stories with this practice, more often than not, this practice leads to the young people making choices involving crime, prostitution and self-abuse and suicide.
A young person should be actively working before leaving home. If they are thinking about renting a house or apartment, they will need the income to do so. The Department for Housing and Urban Development recommends that your rent/mortgage be no more than 1/4 of your monthly income. Therefore, if they want to rent a place that will cost them $400.00 per month, they need to be making that a week, or they will need room mates who can pay equal amounts that they can afford to rent the place. A lot of young people have one or more room mates, and this also helps them to learn how to live with others who aren't family, and to learn how to compromise with others on decor, schedules, etc., which will be handy skills to have if they want to have successful romantic relationships later on in life.
Next, they will need transportation. Not everyone wants to drive. If they do, then they will need a vehicle. If not, they will need to know how to use public transportation and the schedules that go with it. But, they will need reliable transportation to get to jobs and school. Relying on friends to drive you around only works for so long!
Even after our fledglings leave the nest, sometimes, things happen, and they need to come back. When this happens, it's important that they know that they always have a place to come back to. But, they also need to know that as adults, they will be expected to contribute to the household. If they lost a room mate and can no longer afford their place, you can "rent" them their room for whatever they can afford. Some parents go even further and charge them their percentage of the household bills, but some prefer to let their adult children save that money as a down-payment on another place or vehicle, depending on their needs.
But, no matter what, it's important to let your kids know that you will always be there for them, no matter what. A happy, well-adjusted person is much more likely to fly freely with less mishaps and mistakes than someone who doesn't feel welcome in their own home.
Until next time, be gentle with yourselves and others!
Rev. Angelia Schwarz-Coleman, CDCP, PFA II
Minister-Works of Heart Interfaith Ministry
Executive Director-Healing Families' Lives, Inc.
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