Reasons To Love Yourself

How do you feel about yourself?

I mean for REAL, not what you tell other people!  Because I have heard some really amazingly self-defeating and destructive self-beliefs in my travels!

First of all, I will tell you as a minister of the Lord, I don't believe that anyone is going to hell because they are gay or because you have the occasional ungracious thought about the next person.  I could be wrong, no one here on this Earth alive knows for sure, but I believe that if God is a loving God, no one can be persecuted for who they love.  And Jesus, who knew we were human, said that none of us would be perfect.  We certainly aren't, and if you think that you are, think again!

Do you believe, as I do, that every child born into this world, is a perfectly lovable child of God?  And even though there are people born with mental illnesses that lead them in future to be a danger to themselves and others, more often than not, you can trace maladjustment and social problems back to good ol' mom, dad, or whoever raised the child.  I heard a psychologist say one day, "There are no such things as bad kids, only bad parents."

And, if you are constantly letting people walk all over you and say, "I just have a big heart", well that usually boils down to you looking for love and acceptance at any cost, usually going back to someone's neglecting or bullying you.  (No, I don't think I'll win any popularity contests with this entry, but, that's not the point of it, obviously!)

And none of us are magazine-model perfect.  There was just a big expose where they showed how even a beautiful model was air-brushed and stretched on a computer to put into the next magazine.  We are humans with human bodies, and even the most gorgeous angel of a model, has flaws.  (Just ask them, they'd be happy to point them all out, which is unfortunate!)  We are never happy with what we've got.  And, if you've noticed, it's funny that the straight haired girl wants curls, and the one with curly hair wants it to be straight, and we spend good money to get it!  Not to even start on the makeup and face creams to look younger! 

So, think about what you're telling yourself about yourself.  Do you believe it, or did you hear it somewhere else first?  Do your beliefs about yourself hold you back?  Do your beliefs about yourself hurt you?

Were you persecuted by a "religious" authority who said you were a sinner or evil for just being who you are?  Is that what Jesus would do?  Jesus regularly dined with publicans and sinners.  It's sad the evils committed in God's name!

We are all God's children.  Even the mentally ill ones, the gay ones, the different colored ones, the different personality from ours' ones, all of us.  There are some people who shouldn't have children, and I've advocated that parents on Medicaid should have to attend parenting classes, but really, I think everybody should!  Development comes in steps and stages, and if one gets missed or messed up, it's hard to go back later on if life, and fix it for yourself!  (But, it can be done!  And that's one of the things I do with my clients!) 

NO ONE is worth making yourself a martyr for!  Not even the sexiest person alive!  ;)  So, if you find yourself doing all the work in a relationship and feeling like someone's door mat, ask yourself, am I that desperate for love?  Shouldn't I love myself at least as much as I'm caring about this person?  I'm sure your narcissist abuser won't see it that way, but, you should look out for #1 at some point in your relationships with others.  Love shouldn't hurt!

If you don't like something about yourself, change it people say.  But, why not learn to embrace it.  I'm not saying eat yourself to death or don't bathe, but why isn't your wavy hair o.k. to you?  I straightened or curled my hair for years then with the help of a smart therapist one day, I traced my hair issues back to the point where my father said that I had "Jew-girl hair" because it wasn't straight or curly, but was wavy, frizzy with any moisture in the air, and hung in tendrils.  So, now, I think, "why not be o.k. with my hair the way it is?!"  I am multi-ethnic and my hair shouldn't be a surprise to anyone who knows me, much less my parents whose DNA gave me this hair?!  But, occasionally I hear myself knock my hair and get mad at myself for allowing that old, negative self-image tape play that someone else recorded in my head!  And I used to have a figure measuring 36-24-36, but now it's more of a 40 straight, but I've had 3 healthy children and I don't overeat on a regular basis, and with my health being bad, I'm not going to hurt myself further to starve myself to be "perfect" again! 

So, when people start telling me what I can do to "improve" myself, I start to ask them, why do you think that this area of me needs improving?  That usually comes back to some problem with their own feelings about their standards.  I'm not perfect, and I know it!  But, God made me the perfect child that He wanted me to be.  Don't I owe it to Him to at least try and love myself, grow closer to Him, be smart in my dealings with the world, not allow myself to be a martyr, because Jesus did that for me, so that I didn't have to, and to be o.k. with the body that He put me into, because He had His reasons?

Think about it!

Until next time!

Love,

Rev. Angelia Schwarz-Coleman, CDCP, PFA II
Minister-Works of Heart-Women's Ministry, Outreach & Education
Executive Director-Healing Families' Lives