It All Starts At Home

If children know what to expect, they will usually behave appropriately. We can teach them to take turns, talk in their "indoor voices" where they're expected to, and common sense things like this. If you are feeling nervous about taking your children out, they feel this too, and will act out. Children love praise, and any comment on good behavior will reinforce it, unless someone else comes along and derails that self-esteem builder.

Kids have anxieties, too. Leaving home is an anxiety builder. What is going to happen? Will I like it, or will it be horrible? Starting school is a major anxiety for some children. Socializing with other children can be a source of anxiety. Having friends and fitting in can cause anxiety. Self-consciousness about percieved weaknesses can cause anxiety. Peer pressure. Feeling bullied or unsafe. Even not doing well academically can cause stress.

Parents are the first source of stability, or instability, in the life of a child. Check your own behavior before dealing with your child's. Some children are born more anxious than others. I know this first hand because my middle child has Asperger's. He chews his clothes, nails and anything else handy. He can't handle any upset without "freaking out" as my other children call it. Children are very sensitive to their parent's anxieties. If I express any anxiety while my middle one's around, the worry fest starts! If a child senses fear in a parent, this increases their own fear. Parents who are anxious about their child going off to school, may cause undue anxiety in their child. Pressure to succeed academically from parents can cause a child stress. Pressure to perform in sports can cause a child stress. The child's own motivation, confidence and enjoyment should always come first. Forcing a child to do anything does not build character. It builds an anxious, stressed out child.

Pay attention to your child and notice what causes them anxiety. You can not help them with a problem that you do not see. If your child doesn't want to go to school when they feel well, ask why. Sometimes it is necessary to talk to other children's parents about situations, and then we must show maturity, tact, and sensitivity to be a good example for our own child.

Help the child create solutions to their problems. If you can help the child brainstorm, then choose logical solutions to their problems, they will feel more confident that they CAN master their life. It also teaches children problem solving and logical thinking.

Precocious children are their own special breed. They get bored easy. Advanced classes can help keep their minds occupied. These children may act out in school if the work is so easy that they finish before their peers and aren't given anything to do while waiting for the others to catch up. Children who are cognitively ahead of their peers realize this and may make comments that seem snide to others, but it is really frustration that others can not keep up with them that drives this kind of behavior. Emotional maturity can also be a frustration to these children. They may not understand why their peers think the way that they do, and therefore reject them as cold, or mean. If a teacher or parent realizes that a child is way ahead of the class, they should take steps to keep this child interested in school by advanced classes, enrichment by parents after school, or any program that can keep the child's attention and imagination. By the same example, if a child is found to be way behind the others, steps should be taken to get the child help through ECE services to have any learning disabilities identified, and therefore strategies to keep this child up with their peers can be implemented.

Find out what your child is interested in. Encourage them to follow their dreams. Don't push them, but allow them to develop at their own pace.

Keep your child's life as balanced as possible. Children grow through experiences. In a family, you can take turns doing activities that each person likes, on different evenings. Children will learn what they like, what they don't and tolerance for differences in people.

Keep your child motivated. Advanced children especially will lose interest in anything that can't keep their attention. Have enrichment activities at home. You can set aside an hour a day for this. There are so many educational outlets that parents have access to, you can pick and choose what your child is interested in and even keep them involved in the process of learning what interests them.

New kids. New kids worry about fitting in. Do they have the right clothes? Will I have someone to sit with at lunch? New kids can go into worry mode fast. Even though we know school is primarily an environment for learning, we all also know that it is also our major social environment for at least twelve years! It is the strongest source of peer pressure and cyclical popular culture. We all are initiated in some way into it's "Lord of the Flies" mentality whether we want to be or not. It is the second biggest influence in our lives. It is a culture.

If you weren't motivated in school, it's never to late to go back and pursue your interests. What kept your attention in school? You don't have to go back to college, unless you want to. There is so much information out there now through books, internet and courses that you can be an expert in your chosen field to the degree that you want to. What was your motivation to "be" when you grew up? You can take steps to do that now if you never had the chance before.

Change is scary. We see sixty year olds on college campus' now pursuing advanced degrees. They aren't worried about fitting in, they're worried about being who they know that they were meant to be. If we lost our environment, we can go back and find it. We don't have to worry about what anyone else thinks, because it is our life after all, not theirs. Don't let naysayers rob you of your dreams. If your school experience was not a good one, just remember that those kids are grown and gone now, and have no influence in your life now, unless you give it to them. Don't let the mean kids rob you of who you are meant to be.

Until next blog! I recommend www.nospank.net

Love, Angelia