Peer Pressure of a Different Kind

Some survivors of abuse prefer to keep people at arm's length. After all, letting people get close, may have gotten you hurt in the past.

Our peers aren't all out to hurt us. Some people really don't quite believe that, and I can understand why.

When someone takes an interest in us, it's exciting or scary. We might wonder why they're interested in us. What are their intentions? What do they hope to gain by getting to know us? And, a multitude of other questions like this can come up.

I have been hurt many times by people, by letting them into my life. There were family members who didn't understand me, or even try to. They just judged me, insulted me, and belittled me. There were the "mean girls" in school who insisted that if I wasn't wearing what they were or "in to" what they were, that I was a loser. But, then when I did become "popular", there were girls and guys who said that I was a slut, ugly, dumb for hanging out with so and so, and on and on.

And that could have led me to be a loner, but I didn't let it. Basically, I love people. Some have called me dumb for that, but it's part of who I am.

Even in my adult life, there have been nasty people who have come into my life, only to insult me, hurt me, lie to me, take advantage of me, break my heart, and just plain confuse the heck out of me with their actions!

But, I choose to look at the converse of that. I did have some family who was always there for me, and encouraged me that being me was good enough. I have family that I talk to every day, still. I had friends in school that were always there for me. I still have a few friends from back then. I have new friends who have proved themselves good to me. I have cyber friends whose cheery emails and posts brighten my day, because they always come from a positive, loving place. (their hearts)

So, I believe, that if we look at things through the dark tinted glasses of fear and distrust, we will always see the negative. Nor, should we look at everything with rose colored glasses, pretending that everything is perfect and fine, if it's not. We should strive to see clearly, with no coloring perceptions, no distortions from echoes of the past. Just see what is, then decide if it's good, bad, for you, or not for you.

If we allow our peers to get close enough to make a fair judgement, we may find that they're not as bad as we feared. Of course, there are always going to be people in the world who are going to do unto others before they do unto them, but don't let that ruin your chances of friendship, or even love.

If you can find a balance in yourself, where you are able to allow people into your life, give them the benefit of the doubt, and befriend them, then you can also find a place where you can tell people when they are making you unhappy, and give them a chance to fix it, if they're willing to. If they are not willing to, then you can have the strength to tell them that you are sorry that they feel that way, and let them go their way, and you go yours. That will take practice, of course, and mindfulness of who you are, and what you want in your life, and what you don't.

If you don't feel that way, you can make a list of all of the things that you like, all aspects of your self, spirit, mind and body, then list all of the things that you don't like. By doing that you will start to "see" what you would like in your life, and what you'd prefer to avoid.

We can let others in, and not let them be our lives, but be a part of our lives. All things are transient, and so relationships can be, too. But, a balanced level of investment in our peers can lead us into marvelous friendships or even love.

Think about it!

Love, Angelia