Leaving Home

One of the most important developmental tasks for older adolescents is leaving home.



Leaving home is a big deal!  We leave the (hopefully) safety and security of our parents' home to fly out into the world on our own two wings.  But, in order to be successful, we need to be prepared.  Parents, you can help your young people to be ready to leave the nest successfully by making sure that they are prepared.



Unfortunately, some parents enact tough love and kick the kids out of the house at eighteen years old.  Although there have been success stories with this practice, more often than not, this practice leads to the young people making choices involving crime, prostitution and self-abuse and suicide.



A young person should be actively working before leaving home.  If they are thinking about renting a house or apartment, they will need the income to do so.  The Department for Housing and Urban Development recommends that your rent/mortgage be no more than 1/4 of your monthly income.  Therefore, if they want to rent a place that will cost them $400.00 per month, they need to be making that a week, or they will need room mates who can pay equal amounts that they can afford to rent the place.  A lot of young people have one or more room mates, and this also helps them to learn how to live with others who aren't family, and to learn how to compromise with others on decor, schedules, etc., which will be handy skills to have if they want to have successful romantic relationships later on in life.



Next, they will need transportation.  Not everyone wants to drive.  If they do, then they will need a vehicle.  If not, they will need to know how to use public transportation and the schedules that go with it.  But, they will need reliable transportation to get to jobs and school.  Relying on friends to drive you around only works for so long!



Even after our fledglings leave the nest, sometimes, things happen, and they need to come back.  When this happens, it's important that they know that they always have a place to come back to.  But, they also need to know that as adults, they will be expected to contribute to the household.  If they lost a room mate and can no longer afford their place, you can "rent" them their room for whatever they can afford.  Some parents go even further and charge them their percentage of the household bills, but some prefer to let their adult children save that money as a down-payment on another place or vehicle, depending on their needs.



But, no matter what, it's important to let your kids know that you will always be there for them, no matter what.  A happy, well-adjusted person is much more likely to fly freely with less mishaps and mistakes than someone who doesn't feel welcome in their own home.



Until next time, be gentle with yourselves and others!



Rev. Angelia Schwarz-Coleman, CDCP, PFA II

Minister-Works of Heart Interfaith Ministry

Executive Director-Healing Families' Lives, Inc.