Doing Your Best

Doing Your Best




     I work hard!  I do the best that I can, even though I work for myself.  It can be frightening to some to be in charge of your own work and not have a "boss".

     But, my health forced me to pursue other avenues.  I get up as early as I can, some days, that's not until the double digits of the morning; it just depends each day.  Some days breakfast is really brunch.  But, I do my best to continue my studies, and enjoy my work.  I would like to be retired, or not have to work so hard just to earn a few dollars.  But this is the real world, and even though my doctors and I feel that I have earned it, the SSA has repeatedly decided that someone of my caliber, can do SOMETHING to support themselves, even if they are physically incapable of working for an employer anymore.  So, I hang here, in a delicate balance, depending mostly on others, and just hoping that I can help someone with what little I can do.

     I grow a little more tired every day.  I am so tired some days, that death would seem like a peaceful release and a chance to sleep without pain.  My life is broken in many places, but I have done my best to glue the pieces together each time, and keep moving.  I really love what I do, and feel like if I help just one person come through the canyon, to the top and out, then I have accomplished something.  Then I can sail away with a smile at the end.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  I feel like I am finally doing what God put me here to do.  My good clients and students who have finished my programs have told me how much I've helped them, and I'm glad to be able to do that.

     My work is mentally and emotionally draining.  I work as hard for me as I ever did for any boss, I can just get fewer hours in.  I know people who say they could never work for themselves, they'd be afraid that they wouldn't work without a boss to keep them motivated.  For me, being able to take care of my personal needs, and helping others to overcome what I have is my motivation.  I am in bad physical shape; from head to toe!  I hate it when I just can't get up.  My son has shaken me awake when my alarm clock was going off for an hour, and I didn't hear it and wake up, I was that sound asleep.  I know I am not healthy and need the sleep, but it's frustrating.  I feel out of place knowing that I am having brunch when the early risers are having lunch.  But, I have worked hard, taking care of others' parents and grandparents when I worked at a nursing home and got hurt, and I've taken care of others' children when I worked at a preschool, where I also got hurt.  When I was told to quit my physical job by my doctor because of osteoschlerosis, I moved to clerical work.  I worked for a lawyer, psychologist and a counselor.  But, with clerical jobs, you still have to stoop, bend, lift and write and type all day, which led to carpal tunnel, ganglionic cysts and a thumb rebuild.  So, I've worked myself out of work!  But, I still have to live.  I'm not the type of person who can just sit on my butt and do nothing.  I hate being dependent on others to help me with housework, and paying bills.  I used to start yawning around midnight or so, now, it's an all day thing.  Some days, after I shower and dress, I am wiped out!  But, I keep moving, however slow it might look to others that day.  I have been well blessed by God, so I keep doing my best to serve where and how I can.  I can see an end upcoming.  I know that I have done my best.  I know that when I pass those pearly gates, all haters and judgmental people will be gone.  I will be free and at peace, finally.  I long to hear, "Well done, my good and faithful servant!".  How about you?  Did you do your best today?

Rev. Angelia Schwarz Coleman, PhD.E.
Minister Works of Heart
Executive Director Healing Families' Lives, Inc.
wohwomensministry@gmail.com