Saying No

  Saying No



     Sometimes we just have to say, "no".  Sometimes people are just out to use us.  We are then well within our rights to just walk away from them.  You need to know your worth, and not let others use you.  You have the right to set boundaries.  It's healthy to do so.  You can be proud of yourself when you don't let yourself be used.

     When we go through life, we meet all kinds of people.  Some people do not have good intentions towards us.  We usually do our best to take care of our bodies, but sometimes not our minds or emotions.  We can let people wear on us, and just give in from the exhaustion of their continued pressure.  We are then not ourselves.  We are who they want us to be for them.  They usually do this because of their own fears or anxiety.  But, we have the right to walk away if they do not respect our boundaries and ride us too hard.  They are living through us, because they are too afraid to live for themselves.  That's what they need to learn, to live their own lives.  We are acting in our own best interests when we cut these people from our circle.

     We all want to be cared for.  But, we shouldn't retire from exploring our world because we have to care for someone who won't care for themselves.  We all want to have fun and good times.  We all want to move forward, if we're healthy mentally and emotionally.  Everything is usually all right in the end.  Anxiety is an echo; it travels through time from a point where something happened that caused us to be afraid.  If we don't get help with it, it will be like a skip on a record.  We'll be going along, then something will trigger that anxiety, and we'll be back to the beginning.  It's hard to move forward if you allow anxiety and fear to hold you back.

     So, when someone is wearing us out mentally or emotionally, it's healthy to put a stop to it.  If someone who's otherwise healthy lets you support them, unless it's a case of childrearing, and you've both agreed to supporting the other, they are using you.  If we allow it to continue, then it will, and it will escalate.  You are a worthy child of God, and no one has the right to use you.  You should be able to set boundaries on what you are willing to put up with, and what you aren't.  If you can't do that, then maybe you need some help from a mental health professional as well.  You are somebody.  Others are somebody too.  But, not everybody has your best interests at heart.  We can fall into the trap of helping a seemingly helpless person.  We can stand it, until we can't stand it anymore, then explode.  We are not someone else's servant or slave.  We can give too much.  We may think that we're helping them, but what we are doing is enabling them to continue to be a dependent person.  We have the right to say, "I'm done."  We are not their puppet.  They are so locked in fear that to live a life is too much for them.  So, it's alright for us to go live ours.  We can be caring.  But, we don't have to devote all of our time to someone who's not willing to devote any time to themselves.  We have a right to be happy, and live our best life.  We have a right to stop undue stress in our lives.  We can move forward, once we've learned that a situation is bad and not what we thought it was in the beginning.  Anxiety and fear can be serious, but there are psychotherapy and psychotropic medications that can help with it.  To let it rule our lives, is a shame.  If you don't treat your anxiety, you may never be able to move forward with your life.  It's your life.  Don't you want to live it to your fullest and be as happy as possible?

  Rev. Angelia Schwarz Coleman
Minister Works of Heart
Executive Director Healing Families' Lives, Inc.